Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there is glitter all over my balls
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
