Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
