Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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