when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
