I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
