i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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