i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
