Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
