Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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