if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
