dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
