drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All I want is dick and wine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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