I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did i walk over a car last night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
