Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
