We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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