If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
