new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
