Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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