Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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