I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
