I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
