Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
