So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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