were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
