Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
