I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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