What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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