I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
