I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
