K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
