umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
