i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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