HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
