Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
