I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
