She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
