i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
