OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
