He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
