I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
