we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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