She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
