I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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