Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
