making cat noises will not fix the situation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
