My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
