I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
