Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Someone came in the potted fern
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
