found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
