So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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