Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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