We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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