we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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